Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
We act as though stress can be objectively quantified. We look at our own past experiences and project our interpretations as universal truths, failing to allow for the possibility that others might not (and inevitably don’t) experience stress the same way as us. When we’re in this position, we can become frustrated if we feel someone is acting with less composure than they should, or feel that they’re just wanting to take the easy way out of their problems and play the role of victim.
If we reverse the situation, however, we can see that on the part of the person under stress, a lack of understanding can sometimes further bury us in our anxiety and overwhelm. When we are the ones under this weight and others don’t react with the sympathy or support we so desire, it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care about us or have bad intentions—they just don’t understand the extent of our pain.
Casting judgement is easy; withholding our opinions and listening with an open mind is difficult. But the more we practice this, the better we become at assessing the emotional states of others, and the better we become at knowing when to push them and when to support them. Their communication will also improve as a result, finally feeling that they’ve been seen and heard, and that we do truly care.
As a rule of thumb, when in doubt, choose the option that requires more patience. Choose empathy over immediacy. Choose care over criticism. Choose love over judgement. After all, we’re all just walking each other home. Be kind.