Most of my time is spent being confused.
Like a little hamster in a wheel (I know, I know, unfair comparison… obviously I am genetically privileged with longer legs than the hamster, thus allowing me to cover greater distances with ease), I spend an inordinate proportion of my life running back and forth between tasks, constantly consuming something, and then getting tired and lying down or taking a nap. I might even consider the hamster to be my spirit animal, if not for its aforementioned genetic deficiencies.
But in all seriousness, I often do feel like that hamster. Accomplishing tasks in the short run, yes, but missing the big picture most of the time.
All too often I allow myself to get caught up in the energy of the crowd and the trends of the day (and this coming as someone who self-identifies as somewhat of an eclectic introvert). In doing this, I never give myself the time and space to simply pause, exist, and observe the world.
I think deep, deep down, none of us truly know what we want. That’s not to say that certain things aren’t better suited to us than others, or that we can’t decide what we enjoy doing moment-to-moment… but I do think that as time passes, our preferences change. And with constantly changing preferences, stagnation is the death of us. Adapting to change and consistently opening ourselves to truth, whatever that may be, seems to be the one formula for not wasting this life in a spinning ball of confusion.
It’s only in my rare moments of clarity that I can really behold the universe for what it is, and it is those few moments that serve as a constant reminder to me to live fully in each moment, remain open to the truth, and laugh in the rain.