“What we fear doing the most is usually what we most need to do.”
— Tim Ferriss
We often find ourselves looking for the path of least resistance. The path that gives us the most praise, while simultaneously protecting us from criticism. The easy life.
It must be asserted that this instinct is, by definition, completely natural. As creatures who almost always feel pain and act in self interest, we seek to avoid difficult things.
Most frequently, the pain we look to avoid comes from external sources. We worry too much of what other people think, and sacrifice our ambition to avert the threat of criticism. In essence, we would much rather take on the pain that we know, than subject ourselves to uncertainty.
We condition ourselves to this routine of avoidance, which then becomes habit, and that habit becomes ingrained in our subconscious.
So, supposing that you dare to challenge your notions and voluntarily commit to risk of failure, embarrassment, or ridicule, what might you find?
Well to start, as the quote above suggests, the discomfort you will experience is usually far less painful than what your perceptions proposed. Sometimes we even find that the fear was groundless.
Knowing this, how can we begin the process of callusing our minds?
Start with a low or no-stakes situation. Somewhere you can fail and life will go on. For example, asking someone in a coffee shop on a date, or asking someone to take a picture of you in public. These are both situations where the discomfort is only temporary, and your life remains the same afterwards.
With each failure or undesirable result, take away a lesson. What could I have done differently? Knowing what I know now, what would my approach be? By taking action instead of thinking of a perfect approach (and delaying execution into the foreseeable future), you learn something at no cost. Take a deep breath, compose yourself, and just do it.
By gradually exposing yourself to higher levels of discomfort, your mind will be able to tolerate more pain. What this can lead you to is embracing adversity. Asking yourself “does this fear hold real weight?” and taking a calculated risk.
Ultimately, what this results in is making a sacrifice to absorb risk and forgo praise. A sacrifice that if successful will lead to greater happiness, with or without the approval of others.
Some will applaud you, and righteously so, for you followed your instinct and stood bravely in the face of adversity. Others will envy you, but pay no regard to them. As the old proverb goes, “lions don’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep”.
Rather than seeking immediate gratification, sacrifice the good for the great. Someone who is truly invested in you won’t pump you up for a mediocre performance or a “good effort”. Someone who cares about you will say “I know you have more to give”. Find those people and put in the work to earn their approval. Anything worth doing is difficult, so disregard the ego-inflating praise that wasn’t earned through hard work. When you’ve reached your destination, you’ll know.
With this in mind, articulate your desires, investigate the validity of your fears, and take action.
Dare to dream, dare to cry, dare to laugh,
Dare to run through the ruins of the autumn leaves as they crumble beneath your feet,
Dare to die one November day when the sun is at its highest and the fog is at its lowest – when the showers of snow dance lightly across the cold sky.
I ask you and I say – I plead and pry on you with shaking arms, do not waste that,
Don’t you want to feel the wind glide across your face as you tumble down the midnight sky,
Kissing the heavens and laughing at the pearls of water droplets keeping you company as you do a dangerous dare – a dare to live.